Letter to Tony Kornheiser

Dear Mr. Kornheiser,
I am a professional woman who works full-time (and then some) outside the home, a mother to two lovely boys, the manager of a well-kept home, and a loving wife to a wonderful husband. My salary is commensurate with my husband’s. Having borne two children, I have worked hard to get back to my size-4 shape. I believe I have a noticeable and personal style evident in my home décor and fashion-sense. All of this takes a lot of work. I don’t just wake up looking like this every day. I get my hair cut every 8 weeks and have it colored every few months. I exercise every day. I work hard at how I look every day, whether I'm taking the kids to a tennis lesson or going out to dinner. And even though my husband is very involved in our boys’ daily activities, the management of their needs is my domain.

I arrange all doctors’ appointments for my children. I shop for their clothes and arrange for their haircuts. I advise my husband on his clothes and often shop for him. I do all the grocery shopping and cooking. I prepare a home-cooked meal every night of the week, save one. I pack lunches each day. I take the boys to school and pick them up. I arrange for teacher conferences and oversee the completion of homework. I schedule their extra-curricular activities. I RSVP to all birthday party invitations and buy gifts for those engagements. I tell you all of this because I manage to do all these things while looking fabulous.

I bet Hannah Storm knows what I’m talking about. I bet your wife does, too.

I don’t need some man who is basically required to wear a uniform each day (slacks, shirt, tie?), who doesn’t have too much that needs doing where his hair is concerned, can wear any manner of undergarment without worry over panty-lines or fit or the need for smoothing, never has to buy hosiery, has no pressure to accessorize, doesn’t have to have the right purse for the right outfit, and can mask a belly for 15 pounds before needing to address the issue telling me OR ANY WOMAN that she isn’t dressed well, or age-appropriately.

My husband does a lot for all of us, don’t misunderstand me. He handles all the bookkeeping and the yard maintenance, house maintenance and helps me each morning to get the children up and dressed and fed and ready to go. But, he doesn’t have to ‘do his hair’ or find his Spanx. He doesn’t need to apply makeup. He isn’t expected to keep looking young and he doesn’t fear hearing someone say that he really let himself go after the children came. He is judged by what he does, not what he looks like while he does it.

I hope I’ve enlightened you to the real work that women have in front of them every day. I want my boys and my husband to be proud of me for my style, as well as many other more important things. I want them to see me as daring and courageous in my work, my sense of fashion, and my flair for entertaining. I want to bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. So, Mister, watch your words about these hero wives, mothers and professionals; you don’t want to piss us off. We run the world even if we don't rule it. Make no mistake about that.

Psalm 91

This past Sunday the choir sang a piece based on the 91st Psalm:

Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]
2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

I know it's a complicated Psalm because surely we wonder at times if God will rescue us or if we are experience His deliverance.

I chose this Psalm as the text at my Granny's funeral. And while the choir sang, I was overcome with emotion, longing for her. I also took comfort in hearing this promise, which I believe could be fulfilled after death and not necessarily during my life in this realm. Maybe this promise means that I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty when I have shuffled off this mortal coil. That's how I envision it: that as I move from conscious dwelling here in this life to a new realm with my Creator, my Mother, Father God will rescue me. The angels will guard me and I won't fear the terror of the night.

Tithing

Doug and I have been on a journey of giving for the past 6 years. We joined Northshore United Church of Christ when Wilbur was 6 months old. We started to talk together about our financial support of the church and what our intentions were.

My grandparents always tithed 10% of the gross. That seemed almost impossible. Not only did we make more money each year, but our expenses went up as the children got older.

We decided to start slowly at 2% and build up. We didn't even know at the beginning that we were shooting for 10% (net or gross). But slowly, each year, we gave a greater percentage of the gross.

In 2010 we estimate that we will achieve the goal. 10% of the gross. 10 in 10. We are really proud of ourselves.

I don't know if we should be so proud. 10% sounds like very little when you say what you are giving back to God, to your community, or to represent all that you've been blessed with... It sounds like very little when I think about how lucky I am and how neither I nor God did that - just being born in the US, being white, raised in a fairly affluent family, going to good schools, having parents who told me all of my life that I was college-bound: that is all just luck. To think that God had anything to do with that means that people born with the opposite of my fortune are also hand-picked for their fate.

Conversely, 10% sounds like a lot when you start looking at your bottom line.

So, taking that all into consideration, we have a measured sense of pride at our accomplishment.

And, now it seems, we might keep raising the bar. Maybe we'll give 12% or 15% in a few years. It seems that, and I know this can't always be true for everyone, but it seems that the more we have given the more we have received, intangibly but tangibly as well. We really have experienced that often, when we have given money at a time when it was difficult to do so, we have gotten that money back very unexpectedly.

It's been a fruitful enterprise for us. And we continue to experience abundance as we travel this road.

Men Who Loved Women

I've noticed a curious phenomenon:

The Lotharios I've known in the course of my life all have girl children. These men, who have finally given up their wanton pursuit of women and have, in their late 30s or even early 40s (never earlier than that), settled down into a married (or married-like) existence and started having children -- these men, almost without exception, have produced girl children.

I don't mean that all the men I know who have daughters are reformed rapscallions. But the men I know who were the worst of the worst for bed hopping, cheating, collecting bedpost notches and were famous for utterances of, "I'll call you", all, each one, without exception, have girls. And not just girls as well as boys - they don't ever produce boys - only girls. Their seed is all X chromosome sperm. (Isn't that how it works? Women's eggs are always X and men have X and Y sperm? It sounds right).

I think it's so interesting, really. Is there something in their DNA; something that both causes them to behave the way they do as young men while later in life determining that their progeny is exclusively female? If I believed in a god who seeks revenge, I'd think 'that's pretty fitting.' If I believed in reincarnation I'd think that these guys have come back in this go round to work on those issues of love and intimacy (or whatever causes all that skirt chasing). I guess what I really believe is that God has a wonderful sense of humor.